WED 30 APR 2003

Separated at Birth?

"Larry Tate" from the TV sitcom Bewitched		Former Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tariq Aziz

The End of the Beginning
In the month or so since our last edition, the most televised war in history has come and gone. It was a different kind of war than most in recent memory -- with its advancing fronts and territorial victories, it more closely resembled the battles of WWII than the '80s skirmishes in Grenada or Libya or Panama, or even the first Gulf War in 1991. Like any war, it was not without its share of tragedy and loss. Still, many of the dire predictions raised on both sides of the political aisle failed to materialize. The U.S. was not struck by a sudden wave of renewed terrorist attacks, Iraq didn't fire chemical or biological weapons at Israel, and civilian casualties did not climb into the hundreds of thousands. On the other hand, the much-touted WMDs remain elusive, not all Iraqis are hailing the U.S. as liberators, and Saddam Hussein may or may not be dead. Other questions, like those regarding regional and global stability or the length and expense of an extended American presence in the area, may not be answered for years, and it's doubtful that things will get back to normal any time soon.

So any talk of a decisive win, in anything other than an immediate military sense, would seem at best premature -- although you wouldn't know that from listening to most U.S. news networks. This was truly a war of the Information Age, with media outlets all over the world covering the war 24/7, often differing dramatically in degree and direction of spin. Most people recognized the pronouncements of "Baghdad Bob" as self-serving propaganda, but American broadcasters were nearly as bad, packaging the war in catchy slogans and graphics and theme music, and presenting it as bloodless, sanitized entertainment -- war as spectacle, a video game wrapped in the flag. By the time the conflict was underway, a substantial percentage of Americans thought that Saddam was responsible for 9-11, and the U.S. media did nothing to dissuade them of this misconception. Viewers of Fox News received a very different picture of the war than that provided by, say, the BBC; and Arabic sources such as Al-Jazeera presented yet another bias.

Rather than helping to clarify the situation, the constant flood of conflicting and contradictory reports had just the opposite effect. People who saw the war through different "windows" came to different and often irreconcilable conclusions about it, not just in terms of their opinions but in terms of the "facts" and "realities" of the war itself. The result was and is political polarization of a magnitude not seen in the U.S. since the late 1960s. Thousands of protesters took to the streets across the country to demonstrate against the war, while flag-waving hawks denounced them as "commies" and "peaceniks" and a variety of other epithets that I haven't heard used seriously in at least 30 years, except perhaps by Archie Bunker. The effect was surreal and disorienting -- two sides screaming outdated paradigms at each other -- and I was reminded yet again why I decided some time ago that politics is shit. The really sad thing is that all of this could have been avoided if people had just taken a suggestion I made a couple of years ago, and removed Saddam from power through strategic use of the Armour hot dog song as psychological warfare.

Weird Dream
I had a really weird dream the other night. In my dream, I was walking through a semi-futuristic city that also looked kind of like a college campus -- lots of ultramodern buildings, but a lot of green space, too. I was walking by the gymnasium (which didn't really look like a gym, more like an office tower) when Joseph Dobrian emerged from the building. He'd just finished playing racketball, and asked me if I needed a ride. I said yes, I was on my way to the library, and we got into his sleek, black, futuristic sports car.

On the way to the library, we talked about how it's getting harder and harder to find quality furniture and home decor -- instead of being made of wood and leather and brass and such, most new stuff is made of pressboard and resin and cheap plastic. We mutually lamented this state of affairs, and then Mr. Dobrian dropped me off at the library, which looked a lot like an airport. I had to pass through a security gate on the way in, and I set off some kind of alarm. The next thing I knew, security guards were escorting me and some old man to a very large room that looked like a concrete industrial basement. There were streams of yellow-green liquid running across the floor, and the guards told us to be careful not to step in it, because it was sulphuric acid.

The old man and I were told we'd have to sleep in this basement place for the night on these little cots elevated high off the floor, accessible only by tall, rickety ladders. We climbed up and got in our cots and -- this is kind of strange -- in my dream, I went to sleep. Then I dreamed I woke up and I was still in the weird basement place, and it was like two in the morning, and the old man said, "Go back to sleep -- time will pass faster that way." So once again I went to sleep in my dream, and when I woke up I was still in the dream where I'm in the industrial basement, except now it's the next morning and these guards have come to get me.

The guards were wearing long coats, and helmets that looked like Darth Vader's. They took me up an elevator to a brightly lit conference room. Sitting around the table were six or seven youngish (twenty-something) people who looked like those Mormon guys who ride bikes. They were wearing black suits and white shirts and skinny black ties, and they were all male except for one girl in a black skirt and a white blouse. The Mormons told me they had "evidence" that I'd been engaged in "subversive activities," and proceeded to pull out a cardboard box from under the table.

The box was filled with... used dildos. The Mormons claimed to have found them in my trash. I told the Mormons, "This is ridiculous! I've never seen those dildos before in my life!"

Then I woke up.

TimeTrap Release Delayed
Last year I announced that the interactive fiction game I'm writing and programming, TimeTrap, would be released in its final version by March 2003. Well, that deadline has come and gone, and I'm, um, not quite finished yet. It looks like it might take a bit longer than I originally anticipated. Some things just take time, and IF is one of them. It takes far, far more time than I thought it would, because you not only have to write a story, you have to program it too, and test it, and retest it, etc. And you reach a point where you've put so much time into it already, you have to go ahead and finish it so all that time you've already spent on it won't have been totally wasted. And even then, once the game is released, your audience is almost certain to be unforgivingly critical. How did I get involved in this? Oh, yeah. This is how. Anyway, the release date for the full version of TimeTrap has been rescheduled for the end of 2003. Assuming the world doesn't end beforehand.

Quote
"Well I'm about to get upset from watchin' my TV
I've been checkin' out the news until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friend, is anybody's guess
So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin', hopin' for the best,
Even think I'll go to prayin' every time I hear 'em sayin'
That there's no way to delay that trouble comin' every day
No way to delay that trouble comin' every day."
-- Frank Zappa, from the album Freak Out

Curtain Call
As I write these words, the world stands poised on the brink of war, an incurable disease is spreading over the globe, and religious fanatics of every stripe are screaming Armageddon. If this isn't the Apocalypse, it's close enough not to matter. The Four Horsemen are already upon us.

All this is happening at an extremely inopportune time. For instance, The Return of the King won't be released until December, and I would really prefer that the world not come to an end beforehand. I've already invested far too much time in the first two installments. I've also reached a point in my life when politics seems more and more like tedious bickering, when you realize that life is short and time is precious, and you begin to turn toward deeper issues and more fulfilling pursuits, like mortgage payments and lawn care. The last thing I want to do right now is have to keep checking CNN every couple of hours just in case Bush declares war on France, or North Korea bombs Pearl Harbor, or Israel explodes or something.

Unfortunately, ignoring the news doesn't seem to be much of an option at the moment, what with WWIII about to start and all that. The invasion of Iraq will begin within days, if not hours or minutes, so I guess I'd better hurry up and speak my piece about this whole thing before the bullets fly and the cities burn and everyone to the left of Pat Buchanan gets dragged away to Camp Ashcroft.

What are the reasons behind this relentless drive for war? Some say the fight against terrorism -- yet Saddam is no friend of Al Qaeda, and none of the 9-11 hijackers were Iraqi. Some say Saddam's defiance of the UN -- yet the American right, Bush's constituency, has scorned the UN for decades, and Bush himself has announced that the invasion will take place with or without UN approval. Some say to "spread the blessings of democracy" to Iraq -- but again, there are elements of the hard right who insist that America itself is "a Republic, not a democracy" (as though the two were mutually exclusive, and as though democracy were not a good thing). Some say we have to go in because Saddam has WMDs, and because he's a very very bad man -- but the same could be said of dozens of other tinpot dictators. The real reason, the unspoken reason, is the same reason that has seduced the potent and the powerful throughout history. It is the quest for Empire.

Preparations to invade Iraq did not begin with 9-11, or even with the Gulf War ten years earlier. They began during the energy crises of the 1970s as part of a long-range plan that has been in the works for more than a quarter-century now. In an industrialized age, oil is more than just fuel -- it's power. It has become the lifeblood of civilization as we know it. And Iraq floats atop the second largest oil reserves in the world. It's also located in a highly strategic area at the juncture of three continents. If you're looking to build a global empire in the 21st century, the Middle East is your first stop.

When the left cries "No Blood for Oil", they're probably thinking of SUVs and Hummers and prices at the pump, but the issue is really much larger than that. The U.S. itself has diversified its suppliers, and most petroleum products sold in America don't come from the Middle East. The main purchasers of Iraqi crude are Europe and Asia, with some of the largest contracts held by France, Germany, Russia, and China. Ah-ha. And if the United States occupies Iraq and denationalizes the oil fields, those contracts will be null and void and will have to be renegotiated on terms set by the U.S. Ah-ha. This isn't just about America's access to oil -- it's about America controlling the world's access to oil, which would cement the position of the United States as the dominant global power for generations to come.

To those who yearn for such power, many of whom now occupy key positions in the State Department and the Pentagon, the appeal of such a plan is understandable -- far more understandable, in fact, than most of the "official" reasons that have emanated from the White House. With the Soviet Union out of the way and a strong U.S. military presence in the Arab Peninsula, a window of historical opportunity has presented itself. There are a couple of drawbacks, though. First, about three-quarters of the world's population is adamantly, if not vehemently, opposed to this plan. Second, it involves abandoning the principles of non-aggression and respect for national sovereignty that have formed the core of America's foreign policy since she first stepped onto the global stage, and indeed principles at the very heart of America's national character and heritage. In short, we stand to gain the world -- and in the process, lose our soul.

I think that's too high a price, but apparently there are others who don't. Colin Powell has said that "the curtain is coming down" on Saddam Hussein, though I can't help feeling that the curtain is also coming down on what was once America, and on the world as we've long known it. The wheels are spinning, and despite the pretense of eleventh-hour diplomacy, there is now no turning back. History is about to change, as America takes the first irrevocable step on the road toward Empire through force and fear.

The consequences will be great. Once the U.S. invades another country without the support of the international community, it will legitimize the policy of "preventive" first-strike aggression and abrogate its moral authority to condemn those who do likewise. There will be nothing to stop China from invading Taiwan, or India from invading Kashmir, or Russia from invading Chechnya. Those who view America as an arrogant bully, particularly under the current administration, will feel their suspicions confirmed. Resentment and anger will flare throughout the Arab world, providing Osama and his minions with a steady supply of zealous recruits. Increasing terrorist attacks at home and abroad will in turn lead to the curtailment of even more civil liberties, and expansion of government powers to peer even further into our personal lives. The world will grow less safe and secure, not more so. And nothing will ever be quite the same again.

But all these speculations and predictions and opinions are now moot. War is inevitable at this point, and once it starts, no matter how bad an idea anyone thinks it was to begin with, there won't be much left to do except hang on tight and hope for a quick and decisive victory. Then we'll deal with the aftermath, whatever that may be. I foresee a long and expensive occupation punctuated by lots of things blowing up, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe in five years we'll have a politically stable Middle East, a free and democratic Iraqi Republic, and a cheap and reliable oil supply. Maybe.

And maybe one day I'll get around to remodeling the bathroom.

Quote
"Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy, or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events."
-- Winston Churchill