FRI 02 NOV 2001

 Thought for the Day
"Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid."
-- Frank Zappa

 Deer Season Continues

Profiles in Stupidity
According to the French newspaper Le Figaro, recounted in the decidedly not-liberal-media Washington Times, Osama bin Laden was treated for kidney problems in a U.S. hospital in July of this year, where he met with a CIA operative. For some unexplained reason. Strange, considering that even before the September 11 attacks he was a top suspect for terrorist acts against U.S. interests around the world. Strange indeed -- unless, perhaps, there's more going on than we think... but no, never attribute to conspiracy what can be equally well explained by stupidity. The CIA denies the entire incident, but of course, they're the CIA. Meanwhile, an Indiana man shot his son because he thought he was a squirrel. Maybe he should go apply for a job with the CIA, too.

The Bill of Rights (Revised Version, 2001)

AMENDMENT I
Congress shall make no law establishing religion, but shall act as if it did; and shall make no laws abridging the freedom of speech, unless such speech can be construed as "commercial speech" or "irresponsible speech" or "offensive speech;" or shall abridge the right of the people to peaceably assemble where and when permitted; or shall abridge the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances, under proper procedures. It shall be unlawful to cry "Fire!" in a theater occupied by three or more persons, unless such persons shall belong to a class declared Protected by one or more divisions of Federal, State or Local government, in which case the number of persons shall be one or more.

AMENDMENT II
A well-regulated military force shall be maintained under control of the President, and no political entity within the United States shall maintain a military force beyond Presidential control. The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall be determined by the Congress and the States and the Cities and the Counties and the Towns, and someone named Fred.

AMENDMENT III
No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner, unless such house is believed to have been used, or believed may be used in the future, for some purpose contrary to law or public policy.

AMENDMENT IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures may not be suspended except to protect public welfare. Any place or conveyance shall be subject to search by law enforcement agents of any political entity, and any such places or conveyances, or any property within them, may be confiscated without judicial proceeding if believed to be used in a manner contrary to law.

AMENDMENT V
Any person may be held to answer for a crime of any kind upon any suspicion whatever; and may be put in jeopardy of life or liberty by the state courts, by the federal judiciary, and while incarcerated; and may be compelled to be a witness against himself by the forced submission of his body or any portion thereof, and by testimony in proceedings excluding actual trial. Private property forfeited under judicial process shall become the exclusive property of the judicial authority and shall be immune from seizure by injured parties.

AMENDMENT VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to avoid prosecution by exhausting the legal process and its practitioners. Failure to succeed shall result in speedy plea-bargaining resulting in lesser charges. Convicted persons shall be entitled to appeal until sentence is completed. It shall be unlawful to bar or deter an incompetent person from service on a jury.

AMENDMENT VII
In civil suits, where a contesting party is a person whose private life may interest the public, the right of trial in the Press shall not be abridged.

AMENDMENT VIII
Sufficient bail may be required to ensure that dangerous persons remain in custody pending trial. There shall be no right of the public to be afforded protection from dangerous persons, and such protection shall be dependent upon incarceration facilities available.

AMENDMENT IX
The enumeration in the Constitution of rights shall be construed to deny or discourage others which may from time to time be extended by the branches of Federal, State or Local government, unless such rights shall themselves become enacted by Amendment.

AMENDMENT X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution shall be deemed to be powers residing in persons holding appointment therein through the Civil Service, and may be delegated to the States and local Governments as determined by the public interest. The public interest shall be determined by the Civil Service.

(Currently being circulated via email. Click here for the original Bill of Rights of the United States of America.)

Dream
Last night I dreamed about Shan. We were sitting side by side at a square wooden table. The table was on a large covered concrete landing at the top of a flight of outdoor stairs. On one side of us, double doors -- the kind with the long metal bar you push to open them -- led into a large brick building. The outdoor stairs behind us led down to a sidewalk or path, on the other side of which was another large brick building. The whole place looked like a large school or maybe a college campus, and there were young people walking around carrying bookbags. Shan and I were playing some kind of game with flat clear plastic squares maybe an inch or two on each side. Each of the squares had a pattern or design on it, and the idea was to find two squares where the patterns exactly matched when you put the squares on top of each other and superimposed the designs. I guess it was sort of a "concentration" type game.

That's all I remember of it.

Thought for the Day
"Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone."
-- John Maynard Keynes

 Happy Halloween from Creative Dynamix

Halloween Safety Tips

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
10. Do not take anything from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.

Thought for the Day
"A phobia is by definition an irrational fear. Claustrophobia is an irrational fear of enclosed spaces. Ailurophobia is an irrational fear of cats. (And, as a friend of mine has observed, tooraloorailurophobia is an irrational fear of Irish cats.)"
-- Farmer's Almanac

 Be Alert! (America Needs More Lerts!)
The government -- or the media, which these days seems to be pretty much the same thing -- has issued a warning that there is a high probability of terrorist activity this week. Somewhere. Maybe. They're really not sure.

Seems like they said the same thing about a month ago, and nothing happenened. I think they're just covering their asses because they missed the big one in September. It reminds me of weather forecasters who are taken by surprise by a big blizzard, then spend the rest of the winter continually predicting snow that may or may not actually appear.

So anyway, we're all supposed to be "alert". Continuing to go about our business as usual, of course, but presumably in an alert way. Whatever that means. As my friend Maggie said, "What am I supposed to do? Sit here with my 9mm in my lap and wait for terrorists to crash a plane into my fucking house?"

Thought for the Day
"Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have."
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick

 Thought for the Day
"It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work."
-- William Faulkner