SUN 23 SEP 2001

Maps of the Future: Central Asia, 2005

Vacation
Creative Dynamix will be taking next week off. We will return to our regularly scheduled updates on Monday, October 1.

Credit Where It's Due
Even though I've never cared much for the man personally, I have to congratulate George W. Bush for giving one helluva speech Thursday night. He came across as more presidential than I've ever seen him, delivering the address with confident resolve. Confidence inspires confidence, and we could all use some of that right now. I'd like to know who wrote the speech -- it was not only eloquent, it was also substantive.

There was a pill wrapped up in those reassuring words, though. Does the "Office of Homeland Security" sound kind of ominous to anyone else? And why would conservatives, who usually rail against increases in the size and scope of government, so warmly embrace a whole new federal department with such potential for intrusion into our personal lives?

Excuse me, there seems to be someone at my door wearing some sort of armband....

Thought for the Day
"And the three men I admire most--
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost--
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died."
-- Don McLean, American Pie

Thought for the Day
"Some people say that a country is more an idea than a place."
-- Al Stewart

U.S. Deploys Warplanes to Afghanistan

Rocketry Recognition
Several weeks ago, I posted a blurb to this site about a rocket called the FireRay that I made by combining parts from two kits. Today, Essence's Model Rocketry Reviews website published an article about the FireRay. The article is basically a description of how I built the rocket, provided by yours truly. Ah, fame! Updated the flight log, too.

Elvis and Jesus... Coincidence?
Jesus had his famous resurrection.
Elvis had the famous 1968 comeback TV special.

Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.

Jesus was a carpenter.
Elvis liked wood shop in high school.

Jesus is part of the trinity.
Elvis' first band was a trio.

Jesus' entourage, the apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Jesus was a Capricorn (Dec. 25).
Elvis was a Capricorn (Jan. 8).

Jesus is the lamb of God.
Elvis had mutton-chop sideburns.

Jesus is the son of God.
Elvis first recorded with Sun Studios.

Jesus' father is everywhere.
Elvis' father was a drifter and moved around quite a bit.

Jesus said "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
Elvis said "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)

Jesus said "Man shall not live by bread alone."
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.

"[Jesus'] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)
Elvis wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.

Jesus said "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
Elvis said "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)

Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount,1965)

Mary, an important woman in Jesus' life, had an immaculate conception.
Priscilla, an important woman in Elvis' life, attended Immaculate Conception High School.

Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters.
Elvis Presley has 12 letters.

No one knows what the "H" stands for.
No one's really sure whether Elvis' middle name was "Aron" or "Aaron."

Coincidence -- or something more?

Thought for the Day
"In America, disagreement with the policies of the government is not evidence of lack of patriotism. Indeed, it is the very fact that Americans can criticize their government, openly and without fear of reprisal, that is the essence of our freedom."
-- Senator George Mitchell, 1986

Thought for the Day
"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."
-- Adlai Stevenson

Let's Hope So...

Some people have suggested that since last week's terrorist bombings, it's no longer permissible to make negative comments about Our Fearless Leader and Illustrious Resident, George Dubya Bush. We at Creative Dynamix beg to differ. To our knowledge, no specific war has as yet been declared by Congress, and the Constitution of the United States remains in effect -- for now. We have no intention of letting cowardly terrorist pigdogs force us to give up our rights in this free and open society. That would be letting the bad guys win.

The current occupant of the White House is no more intelligent than he was two weeks ago. We sincerely hope that he has the knowledge, wisdom, perception and courage to steer our nation safely through the dark storms ahead.

Department of Hypersensitivity
It didn't take long for the censorship to start. Clear Channel Communications, which owns and operates nearly 1200 radio stations nationwide, has distributed a list of "inappropriate songs" that DJs have been requested not to play in the wake of last week's terrorist attacks. Some of the blacklisted tunes are understandably discouraged -- Soundgarden's Blow Up the Outside World for example, or Dead and Bloated by Stone Temple Pilots -- but for the most part the alleged "insensitivity" of the songs listed is a borderline call at best. Included are such classics as Don McLean's American Pie, John Lennon's Imagine, and Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven. R.E.M.'s It's The End of the World As We Know It, mentioned in yesterday's entry on this site, is also on the list. I guess I can see that, maybe. But a good number of the songs left me wondering why they would be considered offensive at all. Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel? Elton John's Benny and the Jets? Peter Paul & Mary's rendition of Blowin' in the Wind? Doctor My Eyes by Jackson Browne? Jackson Browne?!? How could anybody be offended by Jackson Browne?!?!?!? Whoever put that list together is thinking waaaaay too hard....

If Only...
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Thought for the Day
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
-- John Wayne, 1952

Proposed Design for Rebuilt World Trade Center

Thanks to Tom D!

TEOTWAWKI
For those of you who may have already forgotten the Y2K scare, TEOTWAWKI is an acronym for "The End Of The World As We Know It." Fortunately, Y2K didn't bring it on. Unfortunately, last week's terrorist attacks on New York and DC might have. Back in the late '80s, the rock band R.E.M. came out with a song of the same name, a clip from which was used in the action movie Independence Day a few years ago. Some of the lyrics are weirdly resonant now:

... it starts with an earthquake... an aeroplane... Ladder structure clatter with fear of height... in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.... Look at that low plane! ... Don't get caught in foreign tower.... Light a candle, light a votive....

Admittedly a chaotic and unclear train of thought -- but no more so than the fake Nostradamus quote circulated last week. And at least this one's real. If you want to read the full set of lyrics, they're here.

The Son of a Bitch Fish
A priest took a sabbatical to a fishing lodge. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the monster.

"Father, that is the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen!"

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as that Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the church. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, he was approached by Sister Mary, who inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" exclaimed the priest.

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary. "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is. A Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch."

The Sister informed the priest that the Pope was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing, Sister?" he asked.

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the Pope's dinner<" she replied.

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no. It's called a Son of a Bitch fish. Really," explained the Sister.

"Oh. Well in that case,I'll fix up a great meal and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the Pope's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. There was wine, and the fish was excellent.

The Pope said, "This is great fish! Where did you get it?"

"I caught the Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Pope's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Pope sat silent in disbelief.

Then the friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"

The Pope looked at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face and he said, "You fuckers are alright!!!"

Thought for the Day
"War does not determine who is right -- only who is left."
-- Bertrand Russell