FRI 24 AUG 2001

Great Moments in History

GUI Controversy
A long-time friend of mine named Mike, whom I've known since our DJ days at WXYC, recently published an article outlining the history and development of the GUI (graphic user interface) for computers, which replaced the now-primitive command line interface. It didn't start with Windows. It didn't even start with the Mac. Where it actually did start is a matter of some difference of opinion, which has sparked an active and sometimes heated discussion on the slashdot forum. Mike even got email from Jef Raskin, the guy who named the Macintosh computer after his favorite variety of apple (spelling it wrong in the process, but that's another issue entirely). You can also visit Mike's own website, which is chock full of handy tips and tricks for beating your PC into submission. Hats off, dude.

Learning to Swear
A 10-year-old says to his 8-year-old brother, "I think we're old enough to start swearing, don't you?" The 8-year-old wholeheartedly agrees. "Okay," continues the 10-year-old, "when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass.'" The 8-year-old enthusiastically concurs that this would be a great plan.

When they go downstairs, the mother asks the 10-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Ah, hell, I think I'll have some Cheerios," the 10-year-old replies.

WHACK! His mother smacks him right out of his chair and yells, "Don't you ever let me hear you say that again!" The 10-year-old runs back upstairs, crying his eyes out.

The mother turns to the 8-year-old and asks in a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," blubbers the terrified 8-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Thought for the Day
"When you fool a fool you strike a blow for intelligence."
-- Giovanni Giacomo Casanova de Seingalt

Thought for the Day
"Every day I break my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've been alive."
-- George Carlin

Dancing Outlaw

Over the weekend we visited our friends Jane and Kent (not to be confused with our friends Jane and Richard) and watched a video documentary called Dancing Outlaw, starring a West Virginia redneck named Jessco White. This film explores the fascinating depths of Appalachian trailer park culture through interviews with Jessco himself (whom his wife claims to possess three separate personalities -- Jesse, Jessco, and Elvis), as well as Jessco's family and friends. While obviously a talented dancer, Jessco seems to have some nagging personal issues, especially regarding how he likes his eggs cooked and how he feels about his "costly" sunglasses. What makes the film particularly interesting and scary is that it's not staged -- these are real people. Highly recommended for those who wish to explore the murky recesses of American low culture.

Bye Bye Jesse
North Carolina Senator and international embarrassment Jesse Helms announced today that he will not seek another term in office. For almost 30 years, the race-baiting, gay-bashing Helms has won the admiration of his inbred, pig-fucking constituents through his adamant refusal to acknowledge any social or political changes that have occured since 1939. His intense anti-Soviet paranoia and unyielding opposition to the arts set the stage for the neoconservative movement of the 1980s and beyond. Creative Dynamix wishes the irascible old bigot the best of luck in his retirement, especially since there are no longer very many hippies or communists to get pissed off about, and he's probably running out of things to do. It's also quite appropriate that Helms bow out at the dawn of the 21st century, since he never quite made it to the 20th century to begin with. Happy trails, Jesse!

Hire the Handicapped
Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them that the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take off.

The entrance opens, and two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin, but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."

(Thanks to Tom D!)

Thought for the Day
"We're the technical experts. We were hired so that management could ignore our recommendations and tell us how to do our jobs."
-- Mike Andrews

Kit-Bash Using parts from two or more kits to make one rocket is called "kit-bashing." I did this with the Estes Fireflash and X-Ray (both of which I'd built before) to create what I call the FireRay. It's a good deal shorter than the Fireflash, which I hope will take care of the crumpling problem, and the payload compartment from the X-Ray gives the rocket a purpose. Best of all, there's enough parts left over to build at least one other rocket, with still more parts to spare. I test-flew the FireRay on a low-powered engine, and it flew straight and true, although it only went up a couple of hundred feet or so. I'll have to use a slightly more powerful engine next time. Details can be found in the flight log.

Thought for the Day
"Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat."
-- John Morley

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Lessons from Nature
It is a hot green summer, birth and life and death and rot. The other day I saw maybe fifteen or twenty buzzards swarming over a deer carcass by the side of the road. Sort of a deer-pickin', I suppose, although beer and music were conspicuously absent. For some reason the whole scene made me think of constitutional lawyers. I'm not quite sure why....

The Hypnotic Sermon
A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.

"It's very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone voice. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern, and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills.

Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique eachand every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.

Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud. Springs and parts flew everywhere.

"Oh, shit!" exclaimed the pastor.

It took them a week to clean up the church.

Thought for the Day
"A man is his own easiest dupe, for what he wishes to be true he generally believes to be true."
-- Demosthenes