SUN 19 AUG 2001

A Semi-Mysterious Statement
For the next year I will be the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything.
Here's to Douglas Adams.

Thought for the Day
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened."
-- some older person

Thought for the Day
"Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows."
-- Jennifer Unlimited

Star Trek: The French Connection

A Tale of the Old West
While riding one day a cowboy met a sheepherder riding along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation.

Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

Sheepherder: "Dog don't talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Sheepherder: [Look of shock.]

Cowboy: "Is this sheepherder your owner?" (pointing at the sheepherder).

Dog: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Sheepherder: [Look of total disbelief.]

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Sheepherder: "Horse don't talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Sheepherder: [Extreme look of shock.]

Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at sheepherder)

Horse: "Yep."

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Sheepherder: [Total look of utter amazement.]

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Sheepherder: "Sheep's a liar."

Thought for the Day
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
-- Winston Churchill

Dubya Meets the Pope

Holy Moses
George W. Bush was passing through an airline terminal when he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard and long white hair, carrying two stone tablets in his arms.

He approached the man and asked reverently, "Excuse me, aren't you Moses?"

But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George called after him, "Hey! Aren't you Moses?"

The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on Dubya. George grabs the man's arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me -- aren't you Moses?"

The man replies, "I'm not saying a thing! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!"

A Disadvantage of Cable Modem
Normally, cable modem is worth the extra expense because it's so much faster. However, as I have discovered, if the cable goes out, the modem goes out too, which is highly inconvenient. Especially if one has site updates to post. If it's not one thing, it's another....

Thought for the Day
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket."
-- George Orwell

Strange Mutant Corn Some of the corn coming up in our garden looks like it's been somehow genetically altered. The corn is growing outside the husk, and the kernals are small and hard, climbing up to the end of the stalk where the silk should be, but isn't. There are also some alleged corn plants that have what look like corn leaves at the bottom, but they have a very thin stalk with a green cluster of seeds on top, like a head of wheat. (You can see one at the bottom right of the picture.) Since modern corn is a modified hybrid anyway, maybe ours has decided to revert to a more primitive state. Or maybe we just didn't use enough fertilizer. Who knows? Anyway, I don't think we'll be eating these....

Always Check Your Work
In an ancient monastery, a new monk arrived to dedicate his life to God and to join the others copying ancient records. The first thing he noticed was that they were copying by hand books that had already been copied by hand.

He had to speak up. "Forgive me, Father Justinian, but copying other copies by hand allows many chances for error. How do we know we aren't copying someone else's mistakes? Are they ever checked against the originals?"

Father Justinian was startled. No one had ever suggested that before. "Well, that is a good point, my son. I will take one of these latest books down to the vault and study it against its original document."

He went deep into the vault where no one else was allowed to enter and started to study. The day passed, and it was getting late in the evening.

The monks were getting worried about Father Justinian. Finally one monk started making his way through the old vault, and as he began to think he might get lost, he heard sobbing. "Father Justinian," he called.

The sobbing grew louder as he came closer. He finally found the old priest sitting at a table with the new copy and the original ancient book in front of him. It was obvious that Father Justinian had been crying for a long time.

"Father, what is wrong?" asked the monk with great concern.

"Oh, my Lord," sobbed Father Justinian, "the word isn't 'celibate' -- it's 'celebrate'!"

Thought for the Day
"Culture is powerfully conservative. It enforces obedience to authority, the authority of parents, of history, of custom, of superstition.
--Richard Bernstein, Dictatorship of Virtue

Why Should Only Cops Have These?

Right-Wing Myths
Still think the media are "liberal"? That America is a "Christian" nation? That Ronnie Ray-Gun was a great President? Think again.

Confession
An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: I'm 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up three college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with all of them at once, then with each of them several more times.

Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?

Man: What sins?

Priest: Aren't you here to confess your sins?

Man: Hell no, I'm Jewish.

Priest: Then why are you telling me all this?

Man: Hey, I'm telling everybody.

Thought for the Day
"All the world's a cage."
-- Jeanne Phillips

Thought for the Day
"If you put all the economists in the world in a straight line, they'd still point in different directions."
-- Harry S Truman

Thought for the Day
"Art is almost always a political statement -- and politics is almost always an art."
-- Solomon Short

Thought for the Day
"College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity."
-- H. L. Mencken

Thought for the Day
"Anyone who calls it 'sexual intercourse' can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, 'I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting.'"
-- Allan Sherman