FRI 06 JUL 2001

Back Online
For the past couple of days we've been experiencing some technical difficulties with our internet connection, but those appear to be fixed now. We hope.

Thought for the Day
"I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way."
-- Robert Frost

Cows Recruited for Advertising

Rainy 4th
Yesterday it started off sunny, got very hot, and then started raining heavily about 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon -- just in time to quench the cookout fires and send everyone scurrying indoors. It continued to rain well into the night, cancelling fireworks displays across the area. For awhile I sat on the steps in the carport, listening to the rhythm of rain on the roof and ruminiating about the meaning of "independence." Among other things, I determined that whatever we may be independent of, it sure isn't the weather.

Entrance Exam
Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so St. Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.
"Who was the first man?" asked St. Peter.
"Adam."
"That's correct. Enter."
Soon another man came along.
"Where did Adam and Eve live?"
"Eden."
"That's correct. Enter."
Then Mother Theresa came along.
"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one," said St. Peter. "What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"
"Mmm, that IS a hard one."
"That's correct. Enter."

Thought for the Day
"It is I, you fools. The man you trusted wasn't Wavey Gravy at all. And all this time I've been smoking harmless tobacco."
-- Charles Montgomery Burns

Declaration of Independence
Just in case you haven't actually read it for a while, below is a transcription of the Declaration of Independence. Heavy stuff, really.

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Thought for the Day
"A little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical."
-- Thomas Jefferson

A True Rocketeer I've been building model rockets lately, but Brian Walker of Oregon -- known to local residents as "The Rocket Guy" -- has far more ambitious plans. He's hoping to launch himself 30 miles into space inside a homemade rocket that runs on hydrogen peroxide (no kidding). He's been working on it for several years, and has even built a centrifuge in his back yard to facilitate his training for the mission. Liftoff is scheduled for May 2002. Creative Dynamix wishes the Rocket Guy the very best of luck.

Computer simulation of the Rocket Guy's proposed flight

Fireworks for Wimps
Here in North Carolina, there's something called the "Safe and Sane Fireworks" law, which bans anything that explodes or shoots into the air. If you want firecrackers or bottle rockets you have to cross the border into South Carolina, which in my case is hundreds of miles away. What I really dislike about this law, apart from the fact that I can only get wimpy little fireworks that sit on the ground and "emit showers of sparks", is its name. It implies that any other kinds of fireworks are not only unsafe, but actively insane. Puts a rather Orwellian cast over our so-called "Independence Day", don't you think?

Another Childhood Trauma
A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6, I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At 7, I got the 'there's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was 8, you hit me with the 'there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for!"

Thought for the Day
"What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us."
-- Henry David Thoreau

Extreme Penalty

Update
Updated flight log with initial results for the Wizard and the rebuilt Fat Boy.

More Search Terms
Here are a few more odd terms plugged into search engines that have brought people to this site over the last month or so:

That last one seems particularly apt.

Comments from the Peanut Gallery
Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak. Johnny points to the pachyderm's privates and says, "Mommy, what's that?" Mommy, seeing the huge member, turns bright red and says, "Oh, that's nothing. Never mind. Come along now."

A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question. Once there, Johnny points to the elephant's member and says, "Daddy, what's that?" Dad replies, "Didn't your mother tell you?" "Yes, she told me it was nothing."

"Well, your mom is spoiled, son."

Thought for the Day
"I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain."
-- Jane Wagner