FRI 29 JUN 2001

Thought for the Day
"We must view, with profound respect, the infinite capacity of the human mind to resist the introduction of useful knowledge."
-- Thomas Raynsford Lounsbury

Catholics Arming for Holy War

Rhode Island Quarter

Sail Away I just found my first circulating Rhode Island quarter, and I think it's one of the prettiest designs released so far. They avoided the tired "state outline" motif, and opted instead for a depiction of a sailboat that admirably conveys the qualities of grace, beauty, and freedom. My only complaint is that the relief is a bit low, making some of the details prone to quick wear, but overall the Rhode Island quarter is one of the best of the state quarter series released so far.

Irony in Real Life
• The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

• Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

• Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

(Your day's not so bad, now, is it?)

Thought for the Day
"A closed mind does not want to be confused with the facts."
-- Ken Iman

Bush Still Learning New Job

Department of TMI
Sometimes there's a little too much information on the information superhighway. For example, just how much about farts do you really want to know? Are you qualified to join the National Hemmorhoid Society (and do you care)? And when was the last time you just had to find out all about someone else's penis? I think I'll stick to the Naked News, myself.

DAMM MADD!
On the first of this month, 37-year-old Ira Member was innocently crossing the street when he was run over by a man trying to drive while squirting one of those little plastic packages of mayonnaise onto a rare roast beef sandwich. Seeking someone to share her grief, Ira's mother Mona attended a meeting of "Mothers Against Drunk Drivers" (or MADD) only to be booted out because the guy driving the car that killed her son wasn't drunk.

Incensed, Mona has now formed "Mothers Against Drivers Who Try To Squirt One Of Those Little Plastic Packages Of Mayonnaise Onto A Rare Roast Beef Sandwich" (or MADWTTSOOTLPPOMOARRBS). Membership has soared, putting the local chapter of MADD out of business.

"Serves them right," says Mona.

-- from Planet Proctor

Thought for the Day
"We do not talk -- we bludgeon one another with facts and theories gleaned from cursory readings of newspapers, magazines and digests."
-- Henry Miller

The Male Brain Revealed

Taking Liberties
In the tradition of true authoritarians, a small group of closed-minded people has taken up the task of patrolling the internet for offensive content. Or have they? Personally, I have trouble taking Net Authority entirely seriously, but if their server is up (which sometimes it isn't), pay them a visit and decide for yourself whether they're bogus or legit. While you're there, please feel free to submit Creative Dynamix as a repeat offender in the "general blasphemy" category, as well as any others that might apply. (Thanks to Sandy!)

Dubya Broadens His Horizons
One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend. The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup. The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"

Thought for the Day
"A life without cause is a life without effect."
-- Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy

Da Bomb Pictured at right is the first "experimental" rocket I've built so far. It started its life as an Estes Fireflash, an impressively tall rocket that unfortunately has the tendency to crumple when it comes back down. After a few flights, the upper section was really banged up, so I cut it off and replaced it with the body tube and nosecone from Custom Rocket's egglofter Elite kit. It's about 3" shorter than the original Fireflash, but still quite tall -- taller than the launch rod, so the big nosecone doesn't get in the way. I packed a golf ball into the nosecone payload section to balance the rocket -- I chose TopFlite® brand not only for the obvious reasons but also because I really like their slogan, "World's Longest Balls™." Red auto pinstriping tape helped dress up the new upper body a little. (The bottom half of the lower body, originally gray, was reinforced with black electrical tape.) After a great deal of thought and consideration, I finally decided to name this hybrid rocket Da Bomb, because it looks like a bomb with that oversized payload nosecone, and also because I was very pleased with it. It flies beautifully, straight and stable. It does require an 18" parachute, though, rather than the 12" that comes with the Fireflash, as I found out the hard way. The golf ball makes this rocket very stable, but also very heavy. It still manages to gain a fair altitude, though -- the first time I launched it on a "C" engine it went up over 500 feet, nearly out of sight. On its two launches this evening, though, it barely made it over 300 feet. Details can be found in the flight log.

Da Bomb

Are We Getting Warm Yet?
With the ascension of King George II and America's proclamation of the Kyoto Protocol as "dead", the global warming issue has been heating up (so to speak) more than ever. Like so many contemporary political debates, it has transformed from a battle of opinions to a battle of facts. Someone is obviously lying. On the one hand you have sources like the Greening Earth Society (carbon dioxide is good for you!) and the aptly named Junk Science website. On the other hand you have sites like Jim Norton's which expose anti-environmental myths, including those about global warming, as well as overpopulation, regulatory "horror stories", and other related topics. Basically it boils down to who you trust more: a consortium of independent international scientists, or a consortium of multinational petrochemical lobbies. You decide.

Chores
A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, “Have you done your chores yet?” “'No,” replies the boy, “but could I have breakfast first?” “You know the rules," his mother says. "Go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs.”

The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.

Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, “Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?” “Well, ” says his mother, “I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage.”

Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, “Should I tell him now, or do you want to?”

Thought for the Day
"The world is not a prison-house but a kind of spiritual kindergarten where millions of bewildered infants are trying to spell God with the wrong blocks."
-- Edwin Arlington Robinson