SAT 21 APR 2001

Thought for the Day
"Irrationality is the square root of all evil."
-- Douglas Hofstadter

Domain Names for Sale
www.liposuctionwarehouse.com
www.hasidicpartygirls.com
www.celebrityvomit.com
www.gaysforbuchanan.com
www.pethairnovelties.com
www.syringe-art.com
www.cheesesculptures.com
www.republicanwelfaremoms.com
www.iraqtourism.com
www.britishbeefcouncil.com
www.houseofstomachpumps.com
www.airpakistan.com
www.headlicesocialclub.com
www.floridaelectionboard.gov

Thought for the Day
"A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with."
-- Tennessee Williams

Street Sign Erotica

The Rabbi's Audit
A new IRS auditor, eager to make a name for himself, decided to review the tax returns of the local synagogue.

He proceeded to interrogate the Rabbi, asking him what the Synagogue did with the wax drippings from the Shabbat, Havdallah and Chanukah candles.

The Rabbi, pleased to show the auditor that nothing went to waste, responded that the used wax was collected and sent to a candle factory, and they sent the Temple new candles.

"What about the crumbs from the matzah you eat at Passover?" asked the IRS auditor.

"Simple," the Rabbi responded. "We collect all the crumbs, send them to the matzah bakery, and they send us matzah meal."

"All right," said the auditor, refusing to give up. "I know that you're a moyel as well as a Rabbi. What do you do with the leftovers from the circumcisions?"

"Easy," said the Rabbi. "We send them to Washington, DC, and they send us little pricks like you."

(Thanks to Rosie!)

Really Hot Women
If you're looking for really hot babes, Muki's Kitchen offers up tasty dishes that are always works of art. Bon appétit!
(WARNING: If the above site offends you, you will probably also be offended by much of the material on the site where I found this link.)

Thought for the Day
"I don't use drugs. My dreams are frightening enough."
-- M. C. Escher

Why Tech Support Isn't Easy

Chain (Letter) of Command
Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot.
Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
_________________________

Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.
The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
_________________________

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
__________________________

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.
__________________________

Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

Update
Added the first five in a second series of Ruthie's paintings to the Art Gallery.

Thought for the Day
"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."
-- Ernest Hemingway

TUE 17 APR 2001

Autopilot? It took months after the release of the New York quarter to find one in change, but I got a North Carolina quarter just the other day, a few weeks after its release. To my great surprise, our usually idiotic state government actually chose a design without the boring "state outline" theme, and an attractive one at that: a depiction of the Wright brothers' first heavier-than-air powered flight at Kitty Hawk, NC, in 1903. At first it looks like the plane is on autopilot, but if you look really really close and squint hard, you can just barely make out a teeny-tiny Orville Wright in the cockpit.

North Carolina State Quarter

Weird Weather
Right now (about 2:30 pm EDT) it's snowing, raining, and sleeting while the sun shines. It's about 40ºF (5ºC). A friend of mine once said that spring weather is like an adolescent's moods. He was right.

Strange Referrals Continue
More search terms that have brought people here:

Thought for the Day
"You shall know the truth and the truth will make you mad."
-- Aldous Huxley

MON 16 APR 2001

R.I.P. Joey Creative Dynamix mourns the death of punk rocker Joey Ramone, who died yesterday of lymphatic cancer at the age of 49. The Ramones were the original "punk" band, releasing their first album in 1975 (much to everyone's confusion at the time) and inspiring other artists in the genre, such the Sex Pistols and the Clash. We're sure Joey's happy, though, wherever he may be -- he always wanted to be sedated, and you can't get much more sedate than he is now.

Joey Ramone 1951 - 2001

No Excuses
The professor had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member).

A smart-ass undergrad piped up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"

Without missing a beat, the professor replied, "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."

Mixed Signals
On the news this morning they had a clip of the Pope giving his annual Easter message. Amusingly, the icon chosen to accompany the story was a bunny with an easter egg. The juxtaposition of a celibate Christian religious leader with secular/pagan fertility symbols was a bit jarring, to say the least. Not to mention hilarious. I'm sure the fundies will take it as more proof that the Pope is Satanic. Just don't tell them about bunnygirls or vibrating eggs....

Thought for the Day
"Spring is Nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'"
-- Robin Williams