SUN 11 MAR 2001

Thought for the Day
"Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself."
-- Doris Lessing

Thought for the Day
"Nobody needs to baptize me -- anytime I laugh I got religion."
-- Grace Slick, Ballad of the Chrome Nun

Sign of Confusion

Factory
Ever get sucked back into a computer game you haven't played for awhile? That's what happened to me recently with an old Macintosh shareware game called Factory. You design components, then design a factory to assemble the components into a final product, then actually make the product in the factory you designed. So you essentially get to customize the whole game. Hours have flown by while I neglected more practical matters in favor of assembling office furniture and entertainment centers and the like. Sort of an odd way to have fun, but I understand it's good for hand/eye coordination. At least that's what I'm telling myself. You can download a trial version for free, but it only runs on Macs.

Top Ten Email Addresses
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University): eatonsht@duke.edu

9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University): cumminme@fu.edu

8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.): blowmegd@dropdrawers.com

7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania): dickinme@iup.edu

6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University): kissinfk@lvu.edu

5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home decorating): beeranbj@myplace.com

4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University): aspicker@pu.edu

3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University): ibballin@bsu.edu

2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada): btkisser@bendover.com

1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us): ihadcock@tru.com

Thought for the Day
"Fat is only ugly until you put a nipple on it."
-- Dr. Jonas Zizlesse

Authorities Act to Reduce School Violence In the wake of the recent school shooting at Santee, the most deadly incident of its kind since Columbine, parents, educators, and communities across the country are taking a "get-tough" stance on gun violence. As part of this effort, "No Hunting" signs will be placed near schools, playgrounds, and other areas where children are likely to congregate. Concerned authorities are also planning to post the Ten Commandments in every classroom and reinstitute the Pledge of Allegiance, actions which they anticipate to be nearly as effective as the sign campaign, an example of which is shown at right.

Legislators hope signs like this one, along with empty patriotic and religious gestures, will help deter school violence.

Honesty in Bumper Stickers
I've always been mildly amused by stridently pro-environmental bumper stickers, not because I don't agree with them -- I do -- but because people put them on their cars, which contribute more to pollution than anything else they probably own. Given the sad state of mass transit here in the US, though, I suppose they can be forgiven. The ones with anti-smoking bumper stickers, on the other hand, are merely hypocritical -- the car they're driving puts out more noxious gases and particulate matter every day than most smokers do in a month. But today I finally saw a bumper sticker that any driver could display without duplicity. It was on a green Honda SUV, and it said, "I'm Changing the Climate."

Dubya Gets Smart
G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were calling him stupid. So he called his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who advised him, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."

She called Tony Blair into her office: "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Tony Blair replied, "It's me!"

So Dubya called Dick Cheney and said, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Cheney replied, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."

Cheney called Colin Powell and said, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Colin Powell responded, "It's me!"

Cheney returned the call to Bush and said, "It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replied, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

(Another tip of the cyberhat to mjs!)

Thought for the Day
"The mind is Buddha: The mind is not Buddha."
-- Zen koan

New Wired Order

Bill Gates in recent Microsoft publicity photo

The Bavarian Illuminati have been giving paranoid conspiracy theorists things to worry about for a very long time. Could Bill Gates be a high-ranking Illuminatus? Or is Microsoft at war with the Illuminati instead? As always, the "experts" have trouble agreeing -- and that's just how the Illuminati would like to keep it fnord.

Kansas Moving into 19th Century
In a startling turn of events, Kansas will once more allow evolution to be taught in schools. Now if we can just get them to accept that controversial round-earth theory, we'll be back on track.

Mailbox Season
Over the weekend some kids (I assume) vandalized the row of mailboxes for our small rural neighborhood. Ours got banged up pretty bad, but not as bad as a couple of others -- one lost its door, and another ended up in the ditch, totally mangled. Don't these kids have better things to do, like shoot each other or get pregnant? I'm looking for a replacement mailbox made of cast iron... that'll show 'em....

Thought for the Day
"Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face."
-- National Lampoon

Thought for the Day
"Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff."
-- Peter de Vries