SAT 20 JAN 2001

Thought for the Day
"If something goes wrong, it is more important to talk about who is going to fix it, than who is to blame."
-- Francis J. Gable

Times Keep on A-Changing

From the Raleigh News & Observer, Friday, January 19, 2001. File photo by Jim Bounds.

The photo above is a plaque that until very recently appeared on the side of the old Liggett & Myers cigarette factory in downtown Durham, not far from where I work. It read: "Dedicated to the Millions Who Smoke the Cigarette That Satisfies", and below that, "CHESTERFIELD 1948". It was like a sign from a different world, and in a way it was: we've seen a lot of changes in the last half century or so, social and cultural as well as technological. But now the sign is gone, ostensibly on the grounds that the building is no longer being actively used as a cigarette factory. I can't help but wonder if there might have been other reasons why this historic plaque came down. Given the current prevailing attitude toward cigarettes and smokers -- almost diametrically opposed to the social perceptions of 1948 -- it seems almost as though certain people think they can wipe away parts of the past they don't like by removing all existing references to them. That's a dangerous trend, if you ask me.

Thought for the Day
"There are also some of us who are bored with the amniotic level of mentation on this planet and look up in hopes of finding someone entertaining to talk to."
-- Timothy Leary

Fundie Puns

Another choice tidbit from ilovebacon.

Literary Post-Partem
Finishing a novel leaves one with a sense of accomplishment, but also a sense of temporary aimlessness. It's like giving birth to a child who immediately leaves the house and goes out into the world. You work, you imagine, you produce, you build something within your mind and give it reality on paper, and when you're done you experience a thrilling high far better than any drug could ever impart. But there is also a feeling like, "Okay, so what now?" You feel mentally drained, yet compelled to write more; but it's difficult to move on to something new when your head is still filled with the substance of what you've just completed.

I never thought that my first completed novel would be a Lovecraftian horror story. It's never been my favorite genre -- I much prefer straight sci-fi. I never much cared for monster movies, and I'm not at all fond of gratuituous violence or grossness. My original intention was to write a humorous parody of stories in the Lovecraft mythos, where you have this oblivious main character kind of bumbling through all sorts of ghastly situations and either not being aware of them at all or explaining them neatly away to himself, and unintentionally avoiding all kinds of deadly perils just because he's not really aware of them. Some of that element remains, but the story ended up being a lot more of a serious horror story than I had started out to write, and one must follow where the Muse leads. In many ways, the story wrote itself, playing out in my head, and often it seemed to me as though I were merely transcribing events as they presented themselves in my mind's eye.

What I'd actually really like to do right now is take about a week on a tropical island, far away from the grim January weather, watching the waves roll in on a warm beach, sipping some fruity drink with a paper umbrella in it and contemplating another literary creation, or not, as the mood suits me. I would also like to meet H. P. Lovecraft in person. Both of these scenarios have approximately the same probability of actually happening.

Work vs. Prison
Take your pick, work or prison.

In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.
At work you can't even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go to bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.
At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison you spend a majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal, and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison, a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you're just ball-and-chained.

In prison there are sadistic wardens.
At work, we have managers.

Thought for the Day
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Welcome

The Phoney Lawyer
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in there. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.

One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided To make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying into the phone "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes! The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled off instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.

"I'm sorry for the delay," he said, "but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

Thought for the Day
"A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections."
-- George Eliot

Signs We Won't Be Seeing Anytime Soon

Don't Hold Your Tongue
Afficianados of oral diversions are sure to enjoy this clever little device. You'll find a whole new meaning to "giving someone lip." More fun than an electric kazoo! (Thanks to DC for the good vibes.)

More on the Mythos
If you're not familiar with the Cthulhu Mythos and the world of H. P. Lovecraft, a good place to start is the Official Cthulhu Mythos FAQ. Other valuable sources include the Reader's Guide to the Cthulhu Mythos and the Dan Clore Necronomicon Page.

Thought for the Day
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-- Will Rogers

New Novel
My new novel, the result of a writing contest, has been completed. It's a horror story in the Lovecraft mythos called The Rat in the Darkness. Pleasant dreams.

Dirty Movie
Barbi decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

Barbi: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

Store Clerk: "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

Barbi: "It's called Head Cleaner. "

Thought for the Day
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."
-- H. P. Lovecraft

Notice
Creative Dynamix will remain unupdated for the next few days while we transcribe our new novel.

Thought for the Day
"One good, solid hope is worth a carload of certainties."
-- Dr. Who