SUN 10 DEC 2000

 Spare the Rod and Use the Paddle
Let your children know that if they defy the word of God and their parents, the Baby Jesus will send them straight to Hell! What better way to impart the true Christian spirit to the next generation than the Bible Paddle? Since 1948.

The Bible Paddle:
Bringing parents and children together in Christ.

Thought for the Day
"My religion consists of the humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we able to perceive with our frail and feeble minds.
-- Albert Einstein

Thought for the Day
"Don't be humble -- you're not that great."
-- Golda Meir

Reuse/Recycle/Renew John Milkovisch of Houston, Texas, passed away several years ago, but the beer can house he built remains as a testament to his vision and ingenuity, or at least to his love of beer. The house consists of approximately 39,000 cans, incorporated at the rate of about a six-pack a day over the course of 18 years. Just goes to show that if you cultivate constructive habits, you'll always have something to show for your time.

Beer can house, Houston, TX

Talking Through the Ass
Find out why Christmas is a pagan heresy at Baalam's Ass Speaks. (We were unable to locate the companion website, "Baalam's Mouth Farts".)

Thought for the Day
"Life is a state of mind."
-- from the movie Being There, starring Peter Sellers

Separated at Birth?

Dick Cheney, Republican VP candidate

Mr. Slate, Fred Flintstone's boss

Looking for Something?
A number of people find this site through internet search engines like Google and Lycos. I'm not sure if they always find what they're looking for. The person seeking The Song of the Shirt by Thomas Hood probably came out o.k., and the searches for GFP bunny picture and even female navel might also have been fruitful to some extent, even though some scrolling is necessary. Others are a little more off-base, but still explicable, like these:

psychotic arab
dworkin sex rape
midieval knights
photo of skull of geronimo
funny.bla-bla.com
calvin hobbes log walk [the query said "log", not "long"]

But the one that really makes me wonder is this: why does this HotBot search for the exact phrase "Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director" list my site as number one? Creative Dynamix has no Human Resources Director, and I've never heard of anyone named Patty Lewis. However, I'm sure that after posting this, a search for the same thing will be much more likely to bring up this site, just because those words are now really here. So if you're looking for Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director, I really don't know what to tell you. But please feel free to hang around and browse.

A Brief Moment of Sincere Gratitude
Creative Dynamix would like to take a moment to honor the American forces who were killed during the attack on Pearl Harbor 59 years ago today, December 7, 1941, and to thank all of our WWII veterans for their courage and sacrifice in the defense of liberty, equality, and justice. Seriously.

Thought for the Day
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."
-- Henry David Thoreau

WED 06 DEC 2000

Phreaky Photos These are some really weird pictures. Some are obviously Photoshopped. Some are rather explicit. Many may be both. Sometimes it's hard to tell. Anyway, you might not want to go here if your boss or teacher or parent or other authority figure is in the vicinity. Or you could just blow them off, like the kid to the right.

Age limit? I got yer age limit right here....

Foul Ball
An English woman has admitting to biting off one of her friend's husband's testicles during a scuffle. Get the full, convoluted story here.

Stupid Laws
Did you know that in Texas, a recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed? That in North Carolina, elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields? That in California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship? Whether you live in the USA or just about anywhere else in the world, it's all here at Dumb Laws. Find out what stupid laws apply in your area! (Thanks to the Rev. Dead Corpse for this link.)

One of California's stupid laws

Thought for the Day
"We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, and screaming in terror -- and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right."
-- Dana Gould

George W. Bush or Chimpanzee?

You decide.

Personal Observation
A potential upside to the Shrubya taking the White House is that he's pretty darn easy to make fun of.

Update
Added Eva and Seraphine to Cagers. Thanks for the photos!

Priceless if True
A friend emailed me this as "a true story about a wedding as excerpted from the New York Times":

It was a large wedding with about 400 guests. During the reception, the groom got up at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank their families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just himself.

So... taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (including the wedding party) was an envelope. He said that this was his gift to everyone and he asked the guests to open their envelopes. Inside each envelope was a photograph of his best man having sex with the bride. The groom had become suspicious of the two of them and had hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.

After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "Fuck you!" He turned to his bride and said, "Fuck you!" and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing the following Monday morning.

While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, the groom went through with the ceremony anyway, as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: Making the bride's parents pay over $42,000 for 400 wedding and reception guests; letting everyone know exactly what did happen; and trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends and families. This groom has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might see one of those MasterCard "Priceless" commercials come out of this?

"Elegant wedding for 400 family and guests ... $42,000.
Photographers for the wedding ... $3000.
Deluxe honeymoon accommodations in Maui for 2 weeks ... $9500.
The look on everyone's faces after seeing a photo of the bride and the best man having sex ... Priceless!"

Thanks to Stephanie for this report.

Thought for the Day
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then give up. There's no use being a damned fool about it."
-- W. C. Fields

Time Magazine: News in a Nutshell

Updates
Added a number of new pictures to the Photo Album, including an index of Cagers. Finally gave those retro sidebar pseudo-ads (on the left) their own pages in the Scrapbook.

More Bizarre Links
From Eva the Link Queen come these three unusual sites: Al Gore Loves You, Mahir Kisses You, and Aliens Probe Your Anus. (Well, maybe that last one isn't quite right, but close enough.) Thanks again, Eva!

ISP Irritations
I mentioned about a month ago that my old ISP was eaten by mega-provider Earthlink/Mindspring, which means I now have to call Durham long-distance to get on the net -- unless I use cable modem. I eagerly signed up for a special deal on cable modem service, which was touted as being extrordinarily fast, with the added advantage of not tying up the phone line. The reality has been less satisfying than I had expected. This is not full-fledged cable modem service á là Time-Warner's Roadrunner™. This is a local cable company (Charter) that is just branching out into this kind of thing, and is currently offering a kind of hybrid service which involves both cable and phone line access. I can download through cable, but I have to upload through phone lines. And in order to trigger a download, I have to send data upstream. So far it doesn't seem to be appreciably faster, but I have been assured that this will change when the new software comes out that allows 2-way cable access instead of just one-way like it is now. Also, the cable modem has to be unplugged on a regular basis so it can reset itself. And I'm not sure at this point if the cable account offers access to a news server (they didn't say that it didn't, but then I never asked if it did). Grrrr. I should have known better than to trust the cable company, but after dealing with the phone company for so long....

No-Show Snow
Saturday the weather people said there was a 100% chance of snow, with possible accumulation of 12 inches or more. So how much snow did we get? None. Zip. Nada.

Snow in these parts is truly unpredictable, in that no one seems to be able to predict it with any accuracy. The first snow of the year always comes as a surprise, and then for the rest of the winter we get forecasts for snow that never arrives.

In the woods, the trees are bare, and the undergrowth has died back. It feels much more open now than it does in the summer. Occasionally there is gunfire in the near or far distance -- hunting season is open, and the deer are running. Every year, the county has about 10 or 12 deer-related traffic accidents.

Yesterday was clear and cold with a brisk wind, a few cirrocumulus wisps scattered here and there in against a sapphire sky. Tonight the wind has died down, and the stars are very bright. The air has dried out again, and no longer carries even a hint of snow.

We'll get a major winter storm sometime in the next few weeks, when no one is expecting it.

Thought for the Day
"The future's not what it used to be."
-- Arthur C. Clarke