SUN 05 NOV 2000

Thought for the Day
"Question with boldness even the existence of a God, because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear."
-- Thomas Jefferson

Thought for the Day
"Expect the unexpected."
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

More Weird Art

Unlike so many sites devoted to weird modern art, this one actually has a sense of humor. There's also a "Write That Caption" contest. Fun for all!

The Flat-Out Truth
In an effort to keep the public schools free of the menace of science, a group of creationists in Kansas has formed a group called P.O.S.H. -- Parents for Objective Science and History. (Note that in an Orwellian twist, the word "objective" as used in this context apparently means "Biblical".) Yet there are some who believe that P.O.S.H. has not gone far enough in its efforts to ensure that young people are properly "educated" in the Biblical sense. Because some passages in the Bible contradict the idea of a round earth, other citizens of Kansas have formed the organization F.L.A.T. -- Families for Learning Accurate Theories. Now I'm waiting for the next logical development: the Society for Holier Instructional Techniques.

Thought for the Day
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast."
-- Oscar Wilde

Attention, Werewolves of London

Tech Support Humor
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless."

The man below says: "You must be in Management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Speaking of Midievalism...
It's happening right in my back yard. I live maybe an hour or so from Raleigh, our lovely state capital, where it is reported that exorcisms are on the rise. Having driven in that area recently, I'd say while they're at it they should station a permanent exorcist at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Thought for the Day
"All material things are but masks."
-- Herman Melville, Moby Dick

Technoanthropomorphia
I received two very different humorous photos in my email over the past week, both related to the so-called "battle of the sexes". I decided to combine them. Thanks to Kris for the machines, and Tom for the remote (no, Kris, not your Tom).

Personally I think that men and women should spend a lot less time fighting and a lot more time fucking (with reliable birth-control measures, of course). If you're going to expend all that energy on each other, why not have a good time doing it?

Perils of Modern Life
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her:

"Darling, would you give me a blowjob?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you crazy? My parents will see us!"
Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"
Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her: "No, no. I just can't!"
Him: "I beg you... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom...."

Trick or Treat
Kids around here still go trick-or-treating on Halloween. We had several groups come to our door sporadically between about 6:00pm to 8:00pm last night. Our visitors included a ballerina in a pink tutu, a vampire wearing a t-shirt with a picture of either Hulk Hogan or Jesse Ventura on it, a witch in a tall black hat, a witch with no hat ("I left my hat in the car," she giggled), a very convincing Death with bloody skeletal fingers and no face, a ninja, a plump tweety bird who was almost too old to be doing this kind of thing, and the tiniest little Oakland Raider I've ever seen. There was also a little boy of about five wearing a bearded mask -- "You've got a nice beard for someone your age," I told him, and he began shrieking with laughter. And there was a baby dressed as one of the M&M guys, accompanied by Mommy. "Say thank you," said Mommy when we put candy in the plastic pumpkin she was carrying for baby. Baby M&M just stared quizzically.

The candy we gave out was standard fare -- Snickers, Skittles, Reeses Cups. For next year, I want to go back to this store in the mountains that has all kinds of the old-fashioned candy we used to get when I was a kid: Mary Janes, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Pixie Stix, big wax lips, those little wax jugs where you bite off the top and there's some kind of juice inside, maybe even some candy cigarettes, if they're not illegal yet... somehow give today's kids a taste of what Halloween used to be, before it goes away entirely.

Thought for the Day
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science."
-- Albert Einstein

So What Millennium Is This, Anyway?

It never ceases to amaze me how many midieval ideas continue to thrive in this modern age. Case in point is the perennial Halloween controversy, which just seems to get worse every year. If you haven't yet run into the crazed fundies who think their religion is threatened by imaginary ghouls and beasties, you can read their demented ravings here, here, and especially here. When you tire of their tripe, feel free to enjoy a refreshing change of pace here.

Happy Halloween! (or if you prefer, Merry Samhain!)

Shrubya Abortion Coverup?
In an interview on CNN's Crossfire on October 20, Larry Flynt claimed to have proof that Presidential hopeful George W. Bush had been "involved with" an illegal abortion in Texas in the 1970s. Shortly afterward, the transcript of this exchange was censored from the CNN website. Although there has been some commentary on the web regarding this outrageous attempt to withhold relevant information from the public as the election approaches, mainstream news outlets remain tight-lipped about the incident. So much for the "liberal media".

Update
Redesigned Photo Album index; added a picture of Mojo.

Thought for the Day
"I believe in ghosts. But most of them are waiters in restaurants. They take your order and then they vanish."
-- Bill Murray

Spooky News
Just in time for Halloween come these unnerving news stories. In Oklahoma, a 15-year-old high school student was suspended for allegedly "casting a spell" on a teacher. (Thanks for the link, Zinc!) In Germany, Count Dracula is being harassed by Nazis. And in California, the ever-enthusiastic LAPD shot an actor at a Halloween party because he was holding a fake gun. And you thought ghosts and goblins were scary....

City vs. Country
A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound.

"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.

Cindie put her hand up and said, "Moooo!"

"Very good," replied the teacher. "Now, what sound do sheep make?"

"Baaaa!" answered Jimmy.

She continued this for a while.

Then she asked, "What sound does a pig make?"

All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response.

She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed:

"Up against the wall, you son of a bitch!!!"

Thought for the Day
"At birth we woke to dream in this world between."
-- Kan'ami Kiyotsugu