SAT 21 OCT 2000

Abortion Alternative

Thought for the Day
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
--Edgar Allen Poe

Peace Out
Apparently, the latest fall fashion for girls is hippie chic. The trend includes faded bellbottom jeans, embroidered peasant blouses, tie-dyes, flowers and peace signs, bare midriffs and body paint. It is also rumored to be among this Halloween's hottest costume selections. We at Creative Dynamix applaud these bold young people for daring to embrace the culture and values of a simpler, more wholesome era.

Hippie Girls of the 21st Century

Smoky the Bare
A California performance artist who goes by the name "La Tigresa" has launched an ususal campaign against the logging industry -- baring her breasts and reading "Goddess-based, nude Buddhist guerrilla poetry" to timber crews. You can read about it here. (Sorry, photos not available.)

Thought for the Day
"Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear; and behold, do ye now complain that ye lack freedom."
--Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, K.S.C.
in "Epistle to the Paranoids," The Honest Book of Truth

The Trash is Out There
As just about everyone knows by now, you can find just about anything for sale on the internet. But in case you haven't realized just how weird, sick, and disconcerting some of those sale items can be, Disturbing Auctions has dedicated itself "to the research and study of the most bizarre items found for sale on internet auction sites." These include a change purse made from a frog, a "pregnant" keychain, and a deer butt suitable for wall-mounting. And you thought you had some weird shit in your garage.

Black Velvet "God Bless Our Truckers" Poster
from disturbingauctions.com

Putting the "Jack" in Jack-o-Lantern
I received the following message via email. Although I haven't verified the story, I just have to pass it on....

This was in the Calgary Sun ... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever."

In summary, the police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Ward went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarassment.

In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brin Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Ward) and he's ... just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Ward. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?'"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn... is it midnight already?"

Great Book
I'm currently reading Timeline by Michael Crichton, and I just can't put it down. It's the first time-travel story I've read that actually incorporates a theory that I came up with myself a few years ago: that time travel isn't actually traveling "back" or "forward" through time itself, but is instead traveling "sideways" to an alternate universe identical to our own, except it's currently in a different historical period. This theory elimates time-travel paradoxes, such as going back in time and killing your grandfather before your own parents are born, because you aren't really going "back in time": you've shifted to a different timeline -- a different universe -- from your original one. Thinking along these lines gives some people a headache, but to me it's great fun. As always, Crichton's writing is vivid and visual, and would make a good movie. Note that I say "would", not "will". I can't wait to see if Hollywood screws this one up as badly as they did Jurassic Park. Always read the book first....

Thought for the Day
"The glory of the past is an illusion. So is the glory of the present."
--Edward Johnston, in Michael Crichton's Timeline

Expect Delays
I'm going to be involved with some business obligations for the next few days, so I probably won't get a chance to update until Thursday. Ta.

To Protect and Serve

Seriously, what is this all about?

Divine Weather
I was going to scan in a bunch of pictures today, but it's so gorgeous outside it's enough to make you believe in one or more deities. It's about 78F (26C), clear and blue with small white clouds, no humidity to speak of. Since the freeze last weekend, the air smells of autumn, and though the woods are still mostly green they are now shot through here and there with trees that have suddenly burst into vibrant red, bright orange, or muted yellow. Wild turkeys burst from the undergrowth sprinting and fluttering, briefly airbourne as they cross backroads into far fields. Night brings chill stars and the tang of distant woodsmoke.

Weird Dream
Last night I dreamed my teeth were falling out, one by one. They were long and pointed, like a cat's teeth.

Thought for the Day
"If horses or lions had hands, or could fashion works of art as we do, then horses would depict gods shaped like horses, and lions like lions!"
-- Xenophanes

Thought for the Day
"One wonders what would happen in a society in which there were no rules to break. Doubtless everyone would quickly die of boredom."
--Susan Howatch

Circular Logic

"Celtic cross" crop circle, 2000

A few years back, some folks in England admitted to designing and constructing the mysterious "crop circles" that had previously been blamed on mischievous space aliens. Now they've got their own web site, which includes photos, documents, and lots of interesting tidbits. Interesting site design, too. Guess they're just good designers.

Aarrrooo!
Not only is it Friday the 13th today, there's also a full moon. Should be a great night for goth hunting.

Assault with a Deadly Website
Speaking of goths, during Wednesday night's predictably lackluster Presidential debate, George Shrubya blamed the Internet for the 1999 Columbine massacre.
"Columbine spoke to a larger issue [than gun control], and it's really a matter of culture. It's a culture that somewhere along the line we began to disrespect life, where a child can....have their heart turn dark as a result of being on the Internet, and walk in and decide to take somebody else's life," the Texas Governor said.
In the upcoming final debate, Bush plans to defend his extensive execution record and blame teenage pregnancies on DVD players.

Thought for the Day
"Although war is cruel and brutal, it is also dangerous and stupid."
--Yakko Warner

Sure, You're "Saved"... But What About Your Car?

Waiting for the End of the World
Israeli combat helicopters attack the West Bank. A U.S. Navy vessel on its way to the Persian Gulf is rocked by a terrorist explosion. The stock market nosedives as oil prices spike to 10-year highs. Is Armageddon upon us? You be the judge.

Answer to Yesterday's Riddle
A fart.
You were expecting something profound, maybe?

Thought for the Day
"The deadliest bullshit is odorless and transparent."
--William Gibson

Tobacco farmers, faced with increasing opposition to the products they grow the raw materials for, have been forced to diversify into other crops such as soybeans, which don't provide nearly as much return at the market (although they do make for very tasty grain-fed free-range deer). They could probably do a lot better growing hemp, but I doubt that that will happen anytime soon around here for a variety of reasons, despite the fact that hemp was grown -- with the blessings of the government -- within living memory. Such is the power of anti-drug hysteria.

A Very Very Old Riddle
A neighbor once asked us this riddle, which is also known by the wood-gnomes:

"Breathless, skinless, it speaks once and is forever gone."

(Answer tomorrow)

Just In Time for Halloween
Some fundies have written an open letter to witches. It's even funnier than those Jack Chick tracts, one of which appeared in our mailbox today. It's called "Boo!" and explains why Halloween is demonic. What's truly scary is that things like this actually exist. I'm frightened.

Thought for the Day
"They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile."
--The Beatles on drugs, 1967

Death Be Not Proud

Dead tired of worrying about where you'll go when you die? The Indiana-based Your Coffin Company offers you the opportunity to get to know your final resting place years before you actually need it. In the meantime, there are at least 101 uses for your coffin before you shuffle off this mortal coil, including bookcase, ping-pong table, entertainment center, and my personal favorite, bomb shelter. Coffins -- they're not just for dead people anymore!

Political Observation
Ever since the first Presidential debate, Al Gore has caught almost as much shit for sighing and shaking his head at George Junior as he did for kissing his own wife at the Democratic convention. His critics might want to go back and look at a videotape of the 1980 Reagan/Carter debates, where old Ronnie himself helped pioneer this particular tactic. Daddy Bush didn't hesitate to use it in the 1992 debates against Clinton and Perot, either. Rude? Condescending? Of course it is. But let's not forget which side made it acceptable. Lesson for Republicans: Don't dish it out if you can't eat it.

Thought for the Day
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
--George Bernard Shaw

Sign of the Times

 

It's Cold
I mentioned on Friday that the weekend would be a transition from summer to fall. I was wrong. It was a transition from summer to winter. Tonight is supposed to be the coldest October night in a hundred years, and our gas pack is on the fritz. The chill north wind carries the smell of ice. Fortunately, we have a wood stove, as well as lots of wood left over from the Y2K non-event. It's cold, but we have more than one way to keep warm.

Testicle Festival
These folks really know how to have a ball.

Last Laugh
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American were on safari when they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal chief told them, "I've got good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that we're going to kill you, eat you, and make canoes out of your skin. The good news is we're giving each of you a last request."

The Englishman says, "I should very much like to write one last letter to my family." The chief brings him a pen and paper, and he writes the letter. Then the cannibals kill him, eat him, and make his skin into a canoe.

The Frenchman says, "I would like one last cigarette, s'il vous plaît." The chief brings him a cigarette, and he smokes it. Then the cannibals kill him, eat him, and make his skin into a canoe.

The American says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is a bit puzzled by this request, but nonetheless complies. The American then begins poking himself all over with the fork.

"What are you doing?" the chief asks incredulously.

The American replies, "Here's your canoe! Here's your friggin' canoe!"

Thought for the Day
"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."
--Charles William Dement