SUN 01 OCT 2000

Thought for the Day
"Perhaps our purpose on this world is not to worship God, but to create Him."
--Arthur C. Clarke

Thought for the Day
"I think we may class the lawyer in the natural history of monsters."
-- John Keats

Keep Your Holes Clean

Body piercing is fun and fashionable, but it can also be dangerous if you're not particularly hygenic. Leslie Hovvells, a 39-year-old English woman who "had 28 ear studs, 13 ear rings, 11 belly bars through her navel, 18 other bars, six lip rings, 36 body rings all over her body and six nose studs", died of septicaemia in January because she didn't look after her 118 piercings. Get the full story here.

5 navel rings

Let's Play Dress-Up
Hey kids! Bored with Sunday School? Try this!

Note on the Quote
Today's quote is from a friend of one of our neighbors. Cecil is an older man of stubborn opinions who never hesitates to make pronouncements on the vital issues of today, and in many cases the vital issues of yesterday. Often he will illustrate his opinions through the use of analogies that may or may not be entirely comprehensible. For example, during a rambling diatribe about communism, television, and The Way Things Used To Be, Cecil noted that "you can have a blender and you can have a toaster, but you can't fit a dog in either one of 'em, can you?" Then he'll give you a look like he expects you to agree with him. I don't know quite what he meant by the quote below, either, but it had kind of a ring to it so I thought I'd pass it on.

Thought for the Day
"You can't eat pigs' feet while they're still on the pig."
--Cecil Overby

Shocking Photos

Here's a site dedicated to those metal miracles of modern technology, electric power poles -- "the utility structures that cross the countryside transmitting lots of power between different citys [sic] around the globe, above farmlands and cities worldwide." Is this industrial art? Or is the guy just on a power trip?

What the Devil's Wrong with You?
Do you suffer from epilepsy? Speech disorders? Homosexuality? Spontaneous combustion? You may be possessed by demons -- at least according to the Demon Possession Handbook, an invaluable guide for "Case Workers, Church Workers, Correction Officers, Defense Attorneys, District Attorneys, Guidance Counselors, Investigative Reporters, Judges, Members of Juries, Parents, Parole Officers, Police Detectives, Police Officers, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Radio and TV Talk Show Hosts, Reporters for Broadcast and Print Media, School Board Members, School Administrators, School Psychologists, Scout Leaders, Social Workers, Students, Teachers, Theology Professors and Students." The Handbook states that "[t]he behavior of ... victims of demon possession is characterized by four basic symptoms. ... The four basic symptoms are: (1) violence, (2) lust, (3) greed, and (4) an unnatural power of persuasion."

A busload of exorcists is currently being dispatched to Washington, DC.

When It Absolutely, Positively Has to Be Thrown in the Woods
The cops arrested a local postal carrier recently for dumping bags of undelivered mail in the woods. Mail for my zip code. He'd been doing it at least since November 1999. The post office claims it's going to deliver the found mail -- at least, the portion that hasn't been rendered totally illegible by water damage -- as soon as it's re-sorted. So at some point we may receive a plastic bag full of soggy, leaf-covered mail. It's enough to make you go postal.

Thought for the Day
"Laws are spider webs through which the big flies pass and the little ones get caught."
-- Honore de Balzac

Bad Kitty!

You Otter Go to Church
Really! May you be blessed.
(Thanks to Rev. Sam Raven for this inspirational link. Hey, maybe that's where these mink were trying to get to.)

Dress for Success
An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.

The Arab asked "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your robe."

The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. He said, "I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

The Arab rasped, "I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

Question Morality
Robert Anton Wilson has this (and more) to say about morality:

I regard "ideology" and "morality" as the two most dangerous forces on this planet. About "ideology" I have expressed my suspicions elsewhere; here I will only mention John Adams's verdict that shortening "ideology" to "idiocy" would save some space and add a great deal to clarity. He had the French Revolution in mind, but "ideologists" haven't changed much since then, have they?

As for "morality" -- or "moralic acid" as Nietzsche called it -- I consider it the major cause of almost all the major atrocities not caused by "ideology." This wonderful invention, "morality," allows people -- normal, ordinary people -- to do things so cruel and violent that they could never bring themselves to do them for selfish reasons. What the sociopath and sadist do for fun, the "moralist" does on behalf of "duty" or "justice."

Previous ruminations by Robert Anton Wilson can be found here.

Thought for the Day
"When I make a joke, nobody gets injured. When Congress makes a joke, it's the law."
--Will Rogers

Illuminating Symbolism

Ever look at the Great Seal of the United States on the back of the one dollar bill? Some people have found very strange meanings hidden there.

Reverse of the Great Seal

Oh Deer
The deer are out in force. This morning on the way to work we saw a doe and her three fawns standing out in an open field. It would have made a very attractive picture. We also saw a deer dead and mutilated in the road. It would not have made a very attractive picture at all.

How to Humiliate and Confuse Your Pets
If you're one of those sick people who like to dress up their dog in cute widdle outfits, this is the place for you. And if your dog seems perturbed by being forced to wear such silly attire, perhaps the two of you could try some aromatherapy together. Or you could just treat your canine friend to some doggie downers. Hey, whatever works.

Thought for the Day
"I'd rather have my mail delivered by Lockheed than ride in a plane built by the post office department."
--Bartholomew Gimble

We've Heard of Oral Exams, But...

Another Insensitive Joke
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"

Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."

Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"

Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."

Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

Holey Regulations, Batman!
Beware! The federal government is regulating your cheese! To combat this travesty, the Libertarian Party has responded with a slew of really bad puns (see article). I say, "Edam raw, bureaucrats!"

Whack a Quack
If you're a fan of Dr. Laura, you probably won't like this.
(Thanks to Faerie for this link.)

Thought for the Day
"If we accept multiple universes, then we no longer need worry about what 'really' happened in the past, because every possible past is equally real."
--Joseph Gerver
"The Past as Backward Movies of the Future"
Physics Today, April 1