SUN 24 SEP 2000

Thought for the Day
"There's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over."
--Frank Zappa

Take Us to Your Führer
We always knew those space aliens were up to no good. If you haven't gotten your recommended daily allowance of paranoia yet, check out the Nazi-UFO Connection. You'll be shocked by how much you don't know -- for instance, you'd expect the Rosicrucians to be involved, but who would have guessed the lizard-people were in on it too?

Nazi UFO

Ruthie's Dream
Ruthie had a strange dream night before last, and did this write-up:

I had a dream that I was part of a group of people (students?) who were being taught/counseled/something by Leo [a supervisor from work -- not his real name]. We were not at [workplace]. Leo kept trying to teach us something, but we were not understanding what we were supposed to do. Finally, he took us to a large auditorium-like building. As we were going inside, Harry [head of HR, also not his real name] appeared. Leo told him that he was taking us into the building so we could learn what we were supposed to do. Harry was not sure this was a good idea. He shook his head sadly and walked away.

The main room in the building was very big with very high ceilings. There were many small rooms off of the big room. We wandered around looking at the room, wondering what our purpose was in being there. There was a vague sense of impending doom in the air. Suddenly an enormous, Tyrannosaurus-like monster appeared among us. It was clear at last what it was that we needed to learn to deal with.

Predictably, everyone screamed and ran for cover. Several people did not make it to safety. Those of us who remained ran out of the big room, down a hallway and into one of the smaller rooms. We were safe there for a few minutes, but the monster found us anyway and got a couple more people.

This time when I ran away, it occurred to me that I needed to find an even smaller room that the monster couldn't fit in to. I also felt that, once I got into the smaller room, I must cover myself so that I wouldn't be an obvious target. It also seemed important to find some other smell for the monster to smell besides me.

I found a smaller room filled with large, industrial shelves, like the ones at work used for storage. I also found some kind of aromatic food which I put in a bowl by the door. I got on to the lowest, most tucked-away shelf and covered myself with a blanket. As I lay there waiting for the monster to appear, I had my final revelation about how to deal with it. I had to pretend that it was not there. I had to not be afraid. I had to not hear the noises in the hallway indicating that other people were not getting away and that the monster was very near the door to my room.

I willed myself to think about something besides the monster.

The monster was at the door. The monster came through the door. He stopped and sniffed the food in the bowl. He had trouble coming into the room very far because he was so huge, but his neck was very long, and I could feel that he was very, very close to me. I stayed very still and shut out the sounds of his breathing. After what seemed like a long time, the monster seemed to be losing interest. He was backing up as if he were going to leave the room. I started to wake up, and felt that my leg was outside of the covers. I was thinking, "Oh no…the monster is going to see my leg. I need to cover my leg." Thankfully, I became more awake and realized that I had been dreaming.

The moral of this story?

Keep your head and don't let the monster know that you're afraid. Maybe you'll get lucky.

The Equalizer
Women continue to progress in their efforts to gain parity with men in all areas of endeavor, as this article demonstrates.

Thought for the Day
"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
--Woody Allen

Who You Callin' a Pansy, Sucker?

Cultural warriors take note. The Pink Pistols are an organization for people who "enjoy shooting, and ... identify with an 'alternative sexuality'." As I've often said, why should the right-wing loonies be the only people with guns?

Vatican Porn
In tonight's side-splitting episode, a bumbling technician accidentally switches the audio track for a Vatican broadcast with sound from hard-core porn films. Hilarity ensues. Read about it here. (Thanks to Zinc for this one. It's already been mentioned on the ShanSite, but I don't care -- it's just too funny to pass up.)

Numbers of the Beast
We've all heard that "666" is the Number of the Beast. But were you aware of these other Beast-related numerals?

667 - The Neighbor of the Beast

660 - Approximate Number of the Beast

DCLXVI - Roman Numeral of the Beast

666.0000 - High Precision Number of the Beast

0.666 - Number of the Millibeast

/666 - Common Denominator of the Beast

666*sqrt(-1) - Imaginary Number of the Beast

sin(666) - Transcendental Number of the Beast

1010011010 - Binary Number of the Beast

6666 6666 6666 6666 - Credit Card Number of the Beast

666-66-6666 - Social Security Number and Taxpayer ID of the Beast

1-666 - Area Code of the Beast

00666 - Zip Code of the Beast

66 & 66/100% - Purity of Beast's Soap

1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66 per minute!

$665.95 - Retail Price of the Beast

$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax

$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

$656.66 - Walmart Price of the Beast

$646.66 - Next week's Walmart Price of the Beast

Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast

Route 666 - Highway of the Beast

666 F - Oven Temperature of the Beast

666k - Retirement Plan of the Beast

666 mg - Minimum Daily Requirement of the Beast

6.66% - 5-year CD interest rate, First Beast of Hell National Bank,

$666 minimum deposit

DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast

Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast

Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast

i66686 - CPU of the Beast

666i - BMW of the Beast

Thanks to Fred Farkle (address unknown) for this comprehensive list.

Sick Leave
Yesterday I came down with some kind of bug that kept me bedridden most of the day, except when rushing frantically to the bathroom. Thus yesterday's minimal update. I think I'm better now.

Thought for the Day
"There is no 'dark side of the moon', really. Matter of fact it's all dark."
--Pink Floyd

Thought for the Day
"Reality is something you rise above."
--Liza Minnelli

Show Me the Bunny

Eduardo Koc of Chicago is a pioneer in the field of "transgenic art" -- using genetic engineering techniques to create animals not found in nature as a form of artistic expression. Koc's latest project is the GFP Bunny, an albino rabbit named Alba that has been altered with genes from a fluorescent jellyfish so that it glows green when exposed to blue light. Some people find this disturbing and controversial. Wonder what they'd think of jumping jellyfish?

Alba, the fluorescent rabbit.

Politically Incorrect Musings
Lately there have been claims by certain segments of the African-American population that because Egypt is in North Africa, the ancient Egyptian civilization was the work of black Africans. I'm not so sure of this -- the ancient Egyptians made a distinction between themselves and the Ethiopians (who were black), and their depictions of themselves look more Middle-Eastern than African. Still, this theory raises some interesting possibilities. If the ancient Egyptians were black, that would mean the Biblical Pharoah was black. And since the Pharoah held Jews in captivity as slaves, that would mean that black Africans were among the first slaveholders. Personally, I don't believe this, because I don't think the ancient Egyptians were black, but it does go to show that theories don't always lead quite where their orginators might have expected them to.

"For the Children"
First tobacco. Then guns. Now this. What next?

Thought for the Day
"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity."
--Harlan Ellison

Auto-Mysticism
Just in case someone out there hasn't already heard of Carhenge, the full-scale replica of Stonehenge in Alliance, Nebraska, constructed entirely of vintage automobiles, I thought I'd put up a picture of it. Now that's art!

Update
Added Discourtesy Calls to Explositions. Reverted forum to Shavenut... er, Bravenet.

Download Spies
Think nobody knows about those pictures and music files and video clips you've been downloading from the internet? Depending on what download software you're using, you might want to think again. According to this article, every time you use one of several specific utilities to download any file from anywhere on the internet, the complete URL of the downloaded file -- as well as a specific serial code identifying your individual computer -- is sent back to the program's publishers. Are we paranoid yet?

Jock the Scottish Painter
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a pound where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job of one of their biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so competitive, he got the job.

And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jock fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke:
"Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!"

Lovely We're Having Weather Lately
The weather this weekend was absolutely gorgeous -- about 70F (or 25C), sunny with light breezes and puffy storybook clouds. It was hard to drag myself inside, so I pretty much didn't, whcih is why the updates were a little scarce this weekend. Today it was cool and rainy, as befits a Monday. This is good, since for a lot of the summer we've had rainy weekends and sunny weeks.

Thought for the Day
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
-- Edgar Allan Poe