SUN 20 AUG 2000

Thought for the Day
"Jesus answered them, 'Is it not written in your law, "I said, you are gods"?'"
--John 10:34

Thought for the Day
"Enjoy yourself -- it's later than you think.
--The Specials

Announcement
Although my birthday isn't until tomorrow, festivities begin today. Updates may be irregular this weekend.

Thought for the Day
"The Earth quakes and the Heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat while elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just rains.
Indeed do many things come to pass."
--Lord Omar Khayaam Ravenhurst, K.S.C.,
from "The Book of Predications" in The Honest Book of Truth

Hummingbirds

For the first time since I was very young, I'm living far enough out in the country for hummingbirds to be a common sight. They dart and hover around the flowers and feeders, then zip off with a hum like a tiny motorboat. By the time winter sets in, they'll be vacationing in South America, which is more than I can say for myself.

Back to the Future
Ever wish you could travel in time? That day may be closer than you think. Since scientists discovered that there's nothing in known physics that specifically prohibits time travel, some people have been taking the idea a lot more seriously. The Time Travel Research Center, for example, is "a private research and development laboratory dedicated exclusively to advancing the study and development of time control technology." Time Travel for Beginners purports to offer "everything you always wanted to know about time travel." And if you're still a little nervous about the whole idea, you can bend... er, ease your mind with this discussion of time travel paradoxes. (I also highly recommend the referenced short story, Robert A. Heinlein's By His Bootstraps, originally published under the psuedonym of Anson MacDonald.)

More Dubious Humor
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.

The Rev. Falwell replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!" The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. I'll have the same thing he's having."

Utter Blasphemy
If you're at all offended by religious satire, you really shouldn't go here. Seriously. No kidding. This is really bad. Don't go. And if you do go, don't say we didn't warn you.

Thought for the Day
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
--Albert Einstein

I Got a Rock

The U.S. Mint released the latest state quarter last week -- New Hampshire -- and a few are starting to trickle into circulation. What at first appears to be a stale, partially eaten brownie is in fact a depiction of the Old Man of the Mountain, one of New Hampshire's best known and most historically significant land formations. The state motto, "Live Free or Die", has always been most inspiring -- too bad most of us today couldn't live up to it.

New Hampshire Quarter Design Review:
Pros: Original concept; clean, uncluttered field; cool motto.
Cons: Chunky, semi-amorphous shape not immediately recognizable to most people outside of New Hampshire.

Compassionate Conservatism at Work
According to a column entitled "Bringing up the Rear" by Robert Sherrill in The Nation magazine, the state of Texas, under the leadership of Governor George W. Bush, is ranked 50th in spending for teachers' salaries, 49th in spending on the environment, 48th in per-capita funding for public health, 47th in delivery of social services, 46th in spending on police protection, 45th in spending on public libraries, 42nd in child-support collections, 41st in per-capita spending on public education -- but -- 9th in spending on prisons, 5th in percentage of population living in poverty, 5th in births to teenage mothers (but 45th in supplying prenatal care), 2nd in prison population, and first in air and water pollution, percentage of poor working parents and children without health insurance, and in executions -- averaging one every two weeks over his five-plus years in office.

Extreme Feminist Continues To Lose It
Rabid ultrafeminist Andrea Dworkin, who once stated that "all sex is rape," continues to drop her marbles. According to an article in the UK's Guardian Unlimited, Dworkin now believes that it's justifiable for angry victims to just go out and murder pedophiles. While pedophiles may be sick, disgusting people, vigilante justice is hardly something to encourage. Perhaps this idea, at least in Dworkin's mind, reflects the healing and nurturing forces that empowered women will supposedly to bring to society. Then again, maybe she's secretly on the payroll of some right-wing propaganda organization. I can't think of anyone who's handed the anti-feminists more ammunition than Dworkin, and judging from her recent statements she's not getting any better. If she's not careful, Jerry Falwell will start agreeing with her, possibly ending both of their careers. (A tip of the hat to Swift for this one.)

Thought for the Day
"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane."
--Mark Twain

Dress Code Violations

There's something for everybody on the internet, whether you're a college student, a business leader, a soccer mom, or a sexual fetishist. Especially that last one. Case in point is belly-button.com, a site devoted to the inherent beauty and power of the female navel. Fun for omphalophiles worldwide.

Someone's Overreacting, Lord, Kum Ba Yah...
As if to demonstrate that religious zealots have no monopoly on the irrational, officials at the Boys & Girls Club of North Port, Florida, bannned 8-year-old Samantha Schultz from performing the classic campfire song "Kum-Ba-Yah" at the Club's end-of-summer talent show. The reason? According to Club officials, the song is "religious" because it contains the word "Lord". "We don't want to take the chance of a child offending another child's religion," said Bill Sadlo, director of operations for the Boys & Girls Club of Sarasota County. "If a child went home and told their parent they heard a Christian song during a talent show and the parent gets upset, we risk the parent calling to complain they sent their child to a nonsectarian camp." Hmmm... I guess "Stairway to Heaven" is out too, then....

If you want more details, you can read the full article here. Thanks to Doyce for bringing this bizarre matter to our attention.

Q & A
Q: What's the difference between the Hindenberg and Rush Limbaugh?
A: One's a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other's a zeppelin.

Blood Moon
Last night the nearly full moon rose huge and orange-red. I'm not sure if that's an authentic "blood moon", but it was pretty darn impressive, and kinda freaky.

Thought for the Day
"Show me a man who's never made a mistake, and I'll show you a man who's never done anything."
--Teddy Roosevelt

Another Politically Incorrect Joke
A Hindu, a rabbi, and a right-wing fundamentalist were (for some reason) driving across the country together when suddenly their car broke down in the middle of nowhere. They could see the lights of a farmhouse in the distance, so they trudged up the road to the house, knocked on the door, and asked the farmer if he could put them up for the night.

"Well," said the farmer, "I only have enough room for two of you in the house. One of you'll have to sleep in the barn."

The Hindu said, "My people are not proud. I shall sleep in the barn, and be thankful for it." And off he went to the barn.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. The farmer opened it, and there stood the Hindu.

"I am terribly sorry," apologized the Hindu, "but there is a cow in your barn. Cows are sacred to my people. I am afraid that I cannot sleep in the barn."

"Very well," said the rabbi. "My people have endured much suffering. I shall sleep in the barn, and be thankful for it." And off he went to the barn.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. The farmer opened it, and there stood the rabbi.

"I am terribly sorry," apologized the rabbi, " but there is a pig in your barn. To my people, pigs are unclean. I am afraid that I cannot sleep in the barn, either."

Everybody looked at the fundamentalist.

"Alright," said the right-wing fundie. "Perhaps the Lord wishes to reveal a sign to me. I shall sleep in the barn, and be thankful for it." And off he went to the barn.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. The farmer opened it, and there stood the cow and the pig....

How To...
The internet truly offers a wealth of information to those who have nothing better to do with their time than surf around looking for useless knowledge. Some of the more practical hints and tips include How to Raise the Dead, How to Tell If Your Head's About to Blow Up, and How to Keep an Idiot Busy for Hours. Who says there's nothing worthwhile in cyberspace?

I Really Like This Car

I don't usually like American cars, but I'll make an exception for the new Chrysler PT Cruiser. The streamlined retro-30s design is the coolest auto styling I've ever seen on a new car. It almost makes up for cars of the Year 2000 not looking like this, like they were supposed to.

2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser

Thought for the Day
"Politics is the entertainment arm of industry."
--Frank Zappa